Confidence: How To Appear Confident When You’re Not

Is a lack of confidence stopping you from getting what you want  in life?  If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to have confidence to get out there and get it.  Just about anything in life can be obtained if you have enough confidence.


Whether it’s to get a better job you want, more money, to enter into a relationship, socializing more instead of hiding yourself at home,  or to achieve any other goal you may have.

You may look at others around you and admire how confident they are, or how confident you think they are, and then look down on yourself because you aren’t so confident.  WELL DON’T!

Not all of the people that come across as confident are confident, or feeling confident in everything they do.  Many of them fake it, until they master being confident naturally.


The fake it till you make it approach doesn’t mean to fake who you really are, or to lie about what you have to say etc.  It’s simply a way to empower and teach yourself to feel confident and come across as confident.

When it comes to a lack of confidence it’s quite common to be hard on yourself, and self talk yourself into why you can’t do something or get something.

For example:  I’m not confident because I don’t have support, I’m not confident because I look geeky, I’m not confident because others are better than me etc.  This harsh self talk will only make things worse.

(1)  When  you first start out, model your behavior around those that are already confident.

(2)  Take note of phrases they use, and body posture.  Another words their vibe.  Adapt your own version of these, and you will soon have your own style.

(3)  Just start with baby steps first.

(4)  Change the way you think –  Stop being hard on yourself, and giving yourself reasons you can’t be confident.

(5)  Start telling yourself (self talk)  that you can be and will be confident.  Be happy being you.

(6)  Body language says a lot about about a person.  Don’t slouch or look bored.  Stand with your shoulders back, chest out and back straight.  Having good body posture can make you feel more confident.

Before you know it, you will look back and realize that bit by bit various situations you applied this fake it till you make approach to, is no longer something you lack confidence with.  This will in itself give you even more confidence.

You will begin to feel confident in more situations naturally.


When you start using the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach, you may feel like you are wearing a mask,  and worry about others seeing through you.

It’s important to mention that most people are wearing masks to some degree, so you are not alone.

For example: When people are at work they act one way, when with friends they act another way, and with family another way.

How to come across as confidentWhen you are on your way to becoming confident, people and some that know you may think you are weird because you come across as confident, or they see a change in you.

But there will be those that like it, because it inspires them, so don’t give up.

Studies have been done on ‘The fake it till you make it approach’.  The studies are known as ‘The Status Enhancement Theory’ studies.  Clips from the study…

Anderson et al. (2012) found that confident individuals were perceived as more competent by
others and attained higher status.  Moreover, this effect emerged even when individuals’ confidence was not justified by actual ability – that is, even when those individuals were in fact no more
competent than others. View study – ‘The Status Enhancement Theory‘.


Achieving confidence take time.  Take baby steps at first – Don’t give up.  You will get there.

Stop worrying about what others think.  You can’t please everyone.  Be happy for being who you are.

If friends respond negatively to you for showing confidence, maybe it’s time to question yourself if this person is a true friend, or is it time to get new friends.

Even people that have mastered the art of self confidence have times when their confidence drops, so don’t be hard on yourself if you cannot be confident all the time.  It’s actually normal.

Article written by Wen Dee

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